Broken Hearts, Broken Minds

'When I Had a Little Sister' by Catherine Simpson (4th Estate, 2019)

Well, it's going to be a bit of a challenge to write this post, but nowhere near as tough as it must've been for Catherine Simpson and her family to decide to share 'When I Had a Little Sister', a powerful story of family, grief and mental illness.

The 'Little Sister' of the title is Tricia, who, following a lifetime dogged by mental health issues and depression, killed herself in December 2013 at the age of 46.  Beginning with this terrible event, Simpson describes the feelings and formalities of the immediate aftermath, then reflects on her family's past and how the tough, stoic attitude of generations ultimately led to tragedy.  Tricia, Catherine and their eldest sister Elizabeth grew up together on the ancestral Lancashire farm, living in the farmhouse where Tricia's life would eventually end.  The apparently idyllic surroundings belied a childhood dominated by tough and eccentric personalities, whose influence would echo down the generations.  Eventually, having exhausted their shared experiences, Simpson cautiously turns to her sister's journals, filling in the gaps and discovering a whole life that no-one knew her sister had.  The book ends where it began, with Tricia's death, and the effect of the tragedy on the family closest to her.

The reason that this is a hard post to write is that this is a very good book, but it feels wrong to say that about such a sad, sad memoir.  Also, I'm sure that there are some who will question whether it was appropriate for Simpson and her family to allow its publication.  It's not only a very sensitive, personal subject, but it's critical of the way deceased family members behaved, and there is no right to reply from beyond the grave.  Plus it would be easy to interpret this as a book about the author and her pain rather than the struggles of her sister.  Throughout, I found old fashioned phrases running through my head - about not washing dirty linen in public, letting sleeping dogs lie, not speaking ill of the dead - which I think ultimately proves why it was right to publish.  These sayings reflect exactly the attitude that Simpson is trying to warn us about.  And since she has also passed, who else will speak out for Tricia?

Ultimately, I think Simpson is very conscious of the tightropes she's walking and has skillfully written 'When I Had a Little Sister' so that it focuses on the broader causes and effects of this suicide in her family.  A less conscientious writer could easily have produced a much more self-indulgent book about their own grief.  Instead, 'When I Had a Little Sister' describes the widely varied emotions I'm sure many in Simpson's situation would share - shock, grief, regret, fear, self-pity, worry, shame, anger and guilt.  She has made the conscious decision to break the habit of generations - never talking about feelings, never showing 'weakness' - and, in doing so, produced a book that strongly argues for compassion, understanding and honesty between close relations.

Overall, I think it was brave of Simpson and her family to publish such a personal story.  There are no heroes in this tale.  Everyone has their flaws.  But being honest about the mixed emotions Tricia's family felt after her death makes 'When I Had a Little Sister' feel a genuine, though painful, human story.  Consequently, it is a powerful book and one that will touch many readers, whether they have first hand experience of mental health issues or not.

Now, what next...?

'When I Had a Little Sister: The Story of a Farming Family Who Never Spoke' by Catherine Simpson was published in February 2019 by 4th Estate.  This post is based on the hardback edition.