I do not want to write this post. The trouble is that if I don't, I'm not going to settle to any new books for a while, and I don't want that either. So here goes. A rather delayed review of 'Where Am I Now?' by Mara Wilson.
'Where Am I Now?' is the memoir of former child actress Mara Wilson, best known for her roles in 'Mrs Doubtfire' and 'Matilda'. In this book, Wilson looks back on her life so far and the journey that's led her from a childhood in California and early worldwide film stardom, to life as a twenty-something writer and storyteller in New York. As well as describing growing up on set, working with people including Robin Williams and Danny Devito, and her love for family and friends, she also shares personal stories about the death of her mother when Wilson was just eight, struggles with OCD, depression and anxiety and the career challenges that follow early success.
The reason I didn't want to write this review is that I feel a bit like I'm kicking someone when they're down. I always try to be honest and fair in my posts, but Wilson comes across as so self-conscious and vulnerable throughout this book, it's worrying. Not that I think one post by an amateur reviewer in rural England will rock anyone's world, but when she talks about her mental health issues and anxieties over sex and relationships, it's heartbreaking. At times I felt like I'd taken a wrong turn and walked in on a counselling session.
On the one hand, this book brilliantly dispels any notions you might have that film actors have got it made. I know that the 'mixed up former child actor' is a bit of a standard trope now, but it does no harm to be reminded that they're people too, just trying to muddle through like the rest of us. And if a child actor could suffer like this pre-internet, you can't help but wonder what state the young stars of today will find themselves in in the future.
Unfortunately, there were a number of things I found I didn't like about this book. It's very disjointed, with no overarching point that you can get your teeth into (although I did wonder whether it had emerged from a collection of Wilson's storytelling scripts, which would make some sense). Sex comes up a lot and the book's so emotionally taut at times that it made me uncomfortable. In some ways, I wondered if 'Where Am I Now?' had been written too early. Perhaps if it had come out post #MeToo, it could've contributed to the debate and given the book a purpose and structure.
Overall, I think that's the problem. If you're going to go to the bother of writing something like this, there has to be a reason for it, an ultimate destination. Either it needs to sate an appetite for knowing more about a popular, cultural figure, or correct misreporting and tell the subject's side of the story, or provide an informed comment on a particular topic. I'm not sure that 'Where Am I Now?' does any of those things. All it does is make me pity Mara Wilson for how sad and unfulfilled her life seems to have been so far. I hope that's not the case, but if so, why does this book suggest it?
'Where Am I Now?' reminds me a bit of 'Free' in that it feels like a book that was written too soon, before the writer knew why they were writing and had their coda. If there was another edition eventually with an added ending, I wouldn't be surprised. In the meantime, I'm not sure that I'd recommend it unless you really, really want to know about Mara Wilson.
Now, what next..?
